Body Horror is a genre dedicated to imagining what life would be like to watch your body slowly become twisted beyond something you recognised as your own. They imagine the horror of watching new eyes pop up on your body, as it changes while you can do nothing to prevent it. The main difference is that, in most body horror, others look at your horror and agree. What's happening to you is wrong. It's messed up. It becomes even more chilling if the person the changes are happening to simply doesn't notice and becomes numb to the differences. It's just something they endure day after day as others see the horror.
Puberty as body horror
Body horror is loved by many trans people. We lived through that experience after all. What's any difference between someone going through changes they hate and cannot stop and your own body going through puberty and changing until you cannot recognise yourself in the mirror anymore. Or even a slow decline without even realizing it anymore because the few times you spoke up about dislikign the changes everyone told you that you would be fine and that it was normal.
What's worse, the horror of not knowing how bad things are, or the horror of knowing and having those that can act doing nothing to help? The end result is the same.
Knowing that you're transgender and being unable to stop the changes of puberty, or not knowing why you feel bad and becoming numb to the hated changes until you don't know how bad you feel. The end result is the same.
Many trans people are into forced feminization and forced masculinization. It's what happened to us after all. Our combined collective trauma.
There's too many People talking about the high suicide rates and not enough talking about why it's so high.
Imagine, talking to your parents and asking for changes you know will help you, and you dismiss you like its nothing. So you try again, and again and the moment they give in your life does get better just like you knew it would. Imagine later being told that they love you, and they'll accept you no matter what and the moment you try and get more help they deny you all the love and acceptance they claimed they had. This is not an uncommon story.
It's not just your parents. It's the whole world. It's online, it's your friends, it's the people in your life. You never forget what they say about you or your friends.
How could you forget their insults before you even knew they were talking about you?
If I go off testosterone, I will commit suicide. This is a fact of life. Without it, I feel nothing. Every day is the same. No happiness. No sadness. No life. No energy. No enjoyment. Nothing but exhaustion.
You aren't dying on me. How can I go on without you?
You must.
I could handle it before, because I couldn't remember what it was like to be good. I couldn't remember what it was like to be happy. Everything got bad so slowly I didn't know how bad it was until I was suddenly happy again. If I get off it, everything will crash down so quickly I will not be able to handle it, and I will kill myself.
I will not be the only one.
"They say they hate us for what we do, but what we do is exist."