- I want to be feminine in the way men are
- Beautiful the way you turn your ryes on Cupid to see a beautiful mans face
- Traces of facial hair
- Long flowing locks in a myriad of styles
- An open loose shirt over a flat chest and soft belly
- Limbs long and spindly
- Graceful like a male ballet dancer
- I want to be strong
- Not like a body builder
- all muscles and veins
- like a worker
- someone who lifts for a living
- built like a square
- fat cushioning muscle
- bones hidden under softness
- Masculinity is always this
- Loud thing
- Strong thing
- Angry thing
- Scary thing
- Must I lose the softness from my girlhood to become a man?
- Must I drench myself in the blood of others to become a man?
- These hands are already drenched in immmesurable amounts of blood
- I have wrung the blood from my own body out of fabric dozens of times
- I know what it looks like to have dried blood sink into water
- I know what it looks like to remove wet blood from cloth
- I've felt it through my fingers
- Let the Iron fill my nose
- Exit through my mouth
The hands that cradled your face, and tilted it up to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable quantities of blood.
But they cradled me, yes?
- Must I lose the softness from my girlhood to become a man?
- Must I strike fear into the eyes of the women who see me?
- Must I add to the blood my hands are soaked in?
- Must I?
- Can I not simply be a soft man?
- Be a man who protects
- Be a man who nurtures
- Be a man who loves flowers
- Be a man who is gentle
- Without losing all I desire
- To be seen as a man is my greatest wish
- To be seen as a man is my greatest nightmare
- I want to be masculine without alienating everyone I've ever known
- Everyone I ever will know
- To get all the hate of being a man
- And none of the societal benefits
- To lose the connection being a girl brought me
- With none of the respect of being a man
- I can't be a girl
- It hurts too much
- Being a man is terrifying
- So all I can try
- Is to be a soft man
- I cannot lose the softness from my girlhood as I become a man